WTF!!!

So this am I get on the scale…something that I shouldn’t have done cuz it’s gotten me in a rut! I know better to look at the number. I’m better than that! But I caved and looked. The fucking thing says 183. So if last week I was 182, that means I gained a pound. How can that be? I’ve been eating, and I’ve been eating good food. I’ve been working out and I’ve even done more cardio than I’d like to admit to. I did shuttle runs on my own yesterday with no prompting. This is a day one should mark down in the history books. So anyway, it puts me in this horrible place of doubt and despair. What if I can’t get this baby weight off? I don’t want to live in this body forever. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Perhaps I should get the measuring tape out and go by that. I can’t go by the clothes that I’m wearing cuz I’ve been wearing my moo moos and lulu’s. they just stretch. And speaking of moo moos…I reckon I should be wearing boxers under them cuz my inner thighs rub together and chafe. How do regular woman wear dresses all the time?

Enough about my poor me attitude. I went to the tower yesterday. It was windy as all hell. I worked on the tower which was tough but I managed. My rope pull is a lot slower than last year but I think I can speed that up with a little work. I’m good till about half way up the tower. I just have to work on my grip strength. Oh and I picked up the dummy. Didn’t go anywhere with him, but I did pick him up.

Stasia was being a wiener yesterday too. She was uber fussy and we can’t figure out why. She slept good for the first part of the day but trying to get her to eat was a challenge. She would turn her head and kick and cry. Tried some
Gripe water and that didn’t help. She had a 5 hour sprint where she only ate an ounce. This after the day before she ate like a champ. I’m hoping today goes better. So far it’s not too bad. Tonight will be the deciding factor. She is spitting up a lot again too. Her poor tummy. I hope it develops soon. I almost broke down and bought a soother last night too. I let her suck on my finger before bed and that seemed to be the only thing that would settle her down. I’m surprised I have a nail left. That little girl had a spectacular sucking reflex.

I’m happy to report that you can tell Stasia is growing developmentally. She was staring at her mobile today when we put her in the swinging chair. It was sweet. That and she’s starting to grab more. I don’t think she’s conscious that she is grabbing, but she is grabbing nevertheless. She’s so precious. My heart melts at all these little moments.

We weighed her with our bathroom scale last night. She’s 13lbs if our scale works decently. It’s crazy to think she weighs 13lbs. Sometimes it feels like 20, but that’s because my poor arm muscles aren’t use to it yet.

That’s all I have for now. I’ll post the measurements when I do them. Maybe tomorrow when Jeff goes to work and that way I don’t feel like a ninny.

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