It’s been a while…

Well well well. I’ve been slacking on visiting the blog. Sorry. I’ve been putting a lot of effort in getting my workout on and trying to keep the house clean. And of course playing with Stasia and watching her develop.

She is so adorable. I know I’m bias cuz I’m her mom but she’s now smiling and trying to talk. Her gurgles and coos make me melt. She has developed a liking for her thumb tho. She’d rather her thumb than the soother that I bought her.

She’s also sleeping thru the night now and has been doing so for weeks. It’s been so wonderful. She goes down between 8:30-9:30 and wakes up at 6ish. We feed her and then she goes to sleep till 9:30-10. This am, I thought she was awake so I went up to get her. She was wrestling around so much, she almost rolled over.

She has started to grab things and she’s trying to put things in her mouth. The drool! Oh the drool. Granted I think she is starting to teethe. I can see 2 outlines on the inside of her bottom gums. She’s been handling it well, but I can only imagine what’s to come.

Here are some updated photos of me and my progress in getting my pre pregnancy body back

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Stupid man

I just don’t understand men sometimes. Not that they understand woman but seriously….so Jeff wanted to go surprise Fallon today and then he informed me he was going to go meet Joel for coffee before he went to red deer. Ok sure, no problem. That was a couple of days ago. So he gets up with Stasia this am and stays up. Brings me coffee in bed so that I get to see him before he goes. So I ask him where he is meeting Joel and he responds ‘Starbucks’. I gave him a look as in thanks jackass, there’s 100 Starbucks in Edmonton. Then he squeaks out the one in miller. Yep…he’s going to meet his buddy at the Starbucks that’s 2 blocks away from his old mistress. I hate to be insecure but seriously!!!! WTF. Yes it’s been a year and a half, but I’m not over it. I’ll never be over it. I’ll never forget. It’s not like I think he’s meeting her….but the chance of them running into each other is highly possible. She quite enjoys Starbucks and its within walking distance. I can’t handle the thought of him straying again. I don’t want to end up paranoid again and I feel like I’m going down that path again. I’m not sure if its my own low self esteem and lack of self image. Or the fact that I know he’s feeling useless because he doesn’t know how to provide more for us. I’ve been on his case about him ‘providing’ and ‘taking care’ of us. Is that enough to push him away? I’m perpetually worried about that when he’s off by himself or when he stays up at night to ‘read’. Why does this always linger in my head. Why do I worry that I’m not enough. Or should I say that he’s not programmed to stay with one person. Or the stress that I put on him is enough to push him into someone else’s bed.

So then I text him and I know he read it, and doesn’t even respond, I’m sorry…get over it…we’ll go elsewhere.

And the stupid tears flow….

Immunization day

So today was shot day. Turns out all of us needed to get our shots. The poor nurse. Jeff messed with her and told her that he faints with needles. She just about fainted. Stasia didn’t like it much but survived. I guess the highlight of the visit is we got her weighed and measured. She’s a whopping 14lb 3oz. I can’t believe she’s so big. Makes sense that her Jammie’s aren’t fitting her. I’m hoping she has a good sleep today/tonight and is normal tomorrow.

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Memorial Day

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So I took the weekend off of everything. Didn’t work out which is ok. Didn’t clean house. But I got to hang out with 3 of my favorite people, Stasia, Jeff & dad. Jeff worked nights so dad and I hung out. We got to tag team making supper which was awesome. Chilli-lime chicken and sweet potatoes.

The night before dad and I went to sumo sumo. Yum yum. He saw yodie there. I saw the back of her head. A part of me wanted to go say hi, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to betray dad and I don’t think she wants anything to do with me anyway. The dinner was very good tho! And the best part of that night I put Stasia down at 11pm and she slept until 4:45. When I woke up I was couldn’t believe it was almost light out. I wasn’t sure if I had woke up and forgot but then I realized that she really slept that late.

So today is moms birthday. I called her like the nice daughter that I am. We chatted. She asked me if we planned to come down for a visit. I explained that I didn’t think we would be able to come until after I go back to work because of financial reasons. So I told her that we were going to go to Vegas for worlds. She said oh that would be nice but too bad I won’t get to meet Stasia. I thought she would jump all over offering to watch her while we were busy. But nope. Wtf? Like seriously, how selfish are u? Perhaps I’m selfish for expecting her to want to see her granddaughter and offering to help us out. That’s my rant about that.

So I did my Tabata again today. I dreaded it! But it went better than I expected. I was actually quite amazed when I compared to my prior Tabatas.

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Did some lighter deadlifts too. Tried to do some cycling and that didn’t last long. Didn’t have my fancy shorts on and I didn’t have the lift under the front tire. It was super uncomfy.

Off to the tower tomorrow.

Visitor

Grandpa came for a visit. Yay! So dad came down for a few days. He got in last night after sleeping in before he left. I’m glad that he did. I worry about him terribly. I wish he would slow down a bit and enjoy life. He’s been working a shut down for the last 2 months and still has a month to go. This would be ok if he didn’t work a ton of OT before hand. He has goals to pay off his house in parksville before he retires, or get as much paid off as he can. I understand his wants but he’s getting burnt out in the process. He’s finally admitted this to himself. I just hope that he will really take the time to smell the roses once he retires at the end of June.

So we went for lunch today at Fomosa’s. They have incredibly good pizza. However I paid for it royally. I’ve been good about not having any gluten for a week and a half until today. I didn’t think I was completely detoxed because I haven’t gone thru my usual detox symptoms. Was I mistaken! It’s like as soon as I finished my last bite, my stomach turned inside out. Silly me. No more gluten for a while. My tummy is supper bloated now too. I’m going to try and fix that with some sushi tonight….I hope. We will see if Stasia allows for that. I figure I should take advantage of a fellow sushi eater being here.

I’m hoping that its going to stop raining too. I’d really like to go sit in the hot tub tonight too. That is providing I can stay awake. Everyone is napping and I’m not. I haven’t been super successful in the napping department. For this I should work on it a little better.

That’s it for now….

Bad day yesterday

Well…what can I say about yesterday? I lost my mojo. I had no motivation whatsoever. I pretty much sat on the couch for most of the day. Stasia wasn’t much help in that regard tho. She didn’t have a great day. She was up till about 2 and wasn’t happy about it. She couldn’t decide if she was hungry or not. She finally slept for about 2 hours and gave me a chance to eat. When she woke up I was able to capture some of her adorable faces.

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I just love her. She finally decided to eat proper at 9. I opted to sleep rather than dream feed her. The night went well.

This am, she woke up just before 8. She was more talking to herself rather than crying. So we got up and hung out a bit before I fed her. I know I feel tons better. Got to brush my teeth before the day started. That makes my day! Had my coffee and a great breakfast. After Stasia went down. I’m letting it settle before heading out to the garage to work out. And waiting….for Stasia to wake up.

Perhaps I should get the measuring tape out…EEK. That way I don’t go to the scale to see if what I’m doing is working.

So I did as stated above and that wasn’t good for the self esteem either. Holy dyna. Oh well, it took some time to get here, it’ll take some time to get back.

Got my workout in…finally.

WTF!!!

So this am I get on the scale…something that I shouldn’t have done cuz it’s gotten me in a rut! I know better to look at the number. I’m better than that! But I caved and looked. The fucking thing says 183. So if last week I was 182, that means I gained a pound. How can that be? I’ve been eating, and I’ve been eating good food. I’ve been working out and I’ve even done more cardio than I’d like to admit to. I did shuttle runs on my own yesterday with no prompting. This is a day one should mark down in the history books. So anyway, it puts me in this horrible place of doubt and despair. What if I can’t get this baby weight off? I don’t want to live in this body forever. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Perhaps I should get the measuring tape out and go by that. I can’t go by the clothes that I’m wearing cuz I’ve been wearing my moo moos and lulu’s. they just stretch. And speaking of moo moos…I reckon I should be wearing boxers under them cuz my inner thighs rub together and chafe. How do regular woman wear dresses all the time?

Enough about my poor me attitude. I went to the tower yesterday. It was windy as all hell. I worked on the tower which was tough but I managed. My rope pull is a lot slower than last year but I think I can speed that up with a little work. I’m good till about half way up the tower. I just have to work on my grip strength. Oh and I picked up the dummy. Didn’t go anywhere with him, but I did pick him up.

Stasia was being a wiener yesterday too. She was uber fussy and we can’t figure out why. She slept good for the first part of the day but trying to get her to eat was a challenge. She would turn her head and kick and cry. Tried some
Gripe water and that didn’t help. She had a 5 hour sprint where she only ate an ounce. This after the day before she ate like a champ. I’m hoping today goes better. So far it’s not too bad. Tonight will be the deciding factor. She is spitting up a lot again too. Her poor tummy. I hope it develops soon. I almost broke down and bought a soother last night too. I let her suck on my finger before bed and that seemed to be the only thing that would settle her down. I’m surprised I have a nail left. That little girl had a spectacular sucking reflex.

I’m happy to report that you can tell Stasia is growing developmentally. She was staring at her mobile today when we put her in the swinging chair. It was sweet. That and she’s starting to grab more. I don’t think she’s conscious that she is grabbing, but she is grabbing nevertheless. She’s so precious. My heart melts at all these little moments.

We weighed her with our bathroom scale last night. She’s 13lbs if our scale works decently. It’s crazy to think she weighs 13lbs. Sometimes it feels like 20, but that’s because my poor arm muscles aren’t use to it yet.

That’s all I have for now. I’ll post the measurements when I do them. Maybe tomorrow when Jeff goes to work and that way I don’t feel like a ninny.